O.K. What’s the deal with cell phones….a blessing or a curse? Obviously, both!We said the same thing about T.V….portable phones…computers…cell phones the size of a brick…the internet…and now cell phones that incorporate it all – cameras, texting, and internet!! One thing is certain…they aren’t going away any time soon and when they do, something smaller and more “hip” will replace them.
So what is “Sexting” and why is it so bad? Opinions range from it’s not a problem to arrests, felony charges, convictions and listings of tweens and young adults as sex offenders. Regardless, of where you fall on that scale, the fact is that if you have an adolescent child with a cell phone there are potentially serious legal consequences for “misuse”. Worse than that, there is the potential for these consequences to follow your child for life!
What are your options?
OPTION 1: Give your child a cell phone with all the bells and whistles, tell him/her your rules and expect them to use the phone responsibly! Naïve! Would you give your child a loaded gun to carry around and just expect that he or she would behave responsibility?
OPTION 2: Absolutely, no way will my child have a cell phone. Period, end of the paragraph!
OPTION 3: Give your child a cell phone but do not activate camera, texting, or internet capabilities.
OPTION 4: Regardless of what kind of cell phone your child has, limit where it goes.
Options 2, 3, and 4 certainly limit access to a cell phone, but even if your child doesn’t have one, it does not limit their use of someone else’s or participating in group activities on cell phones with friends.
OPTION 5: Check cell phone usage daily. It certainly isn’t a bad idea to check cell phone usage, but it is useless in controlling misuse. By the time you find out it happened, it’s too late…it’s in cyberspace and once in cyberspace, always in cyberspace. There’s no rewind button or “do over” in cyberspace.
OPTION 6: Long before you give (or don’t give) your child a cell phone, talk about sensitive issues and that includes “sexting”. You can’t talk about “sexting” if you don’t talk about sex so educate yourself so you can educate your children! Start early….age appropriately…even young children can learn to respect their bodies.
Every time there’s a “sexting” incident reported….talk about it with your adolescents. Talk about respecting your body and the bodies of others BEFORE it becomes a problem. Don’t assume because you have told your child the information, they will never participate. Most kids who have been involved in “sexting”, and even arrested, verbalize they knew “it was a dumb idea..” The underdeveloped prefrontal cortex of the brain of an adolescent makes logical thinking impossible and long-term consequences don’t even appear on their radar screens.
MY ADVICE: Use OPTION 6 coupled with either Option 2, 3 or 4. Option 1 is just plain naive. Option 5 is not prevention but intervention. If you find your adolescent has misused the cell phone, take it away. No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s already too late for a second chance! Then pray whatever they did doesn’t follow them for life!
The biggest problem for parents and educators is that we don’t have uniform laws to follow related to this topic. There are as many opinions as there are incidents. Your child could have some authority figure call it “normal sexual experimentation or just a harmless prank” to some power-seeking authority who wants to make your child an example to others and convicts them of a felony to be labeled a sex offender for life.Both of those consequences are harmful to the children involved.
Mary Halter
President/CEO
HEALTHY edudynamics
Mary H. Halter has worked in the field of youth development for over 25 years. She developed A Time To Talk curriculum with both a school and parent component. Her straight forward, no-nonsense approach is refreshing and informative. You can learn more about Mary by visiting http://healthyedudynamics.com/.
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