Blog Series: Divorce ~ Keeping Your Opinions and Feelings to Yourself

I decided to start this series because of person that I just met that is going through a divorce. Her situation is pretty close to being exactly parallel to what my situation was when I went through my divorce almost eight years ago ... young, with a 4 year old son and cheated on. This made me think that there are probably hundreds if not thousands of other women out there going through the same exact thing and maybe I can help by sharing my story and experiences. So this new blogging series is simply called Divorce.

There was nothing pretty about my divorce or marriage, my ex-husband was emotionally and physically abusive and had cheated on me numerous of times. By the time we went through our divorce he was definitely not my favorite person on the planet and Taylor was 4 years old. I had lived in Germany for almost three and a half years without any friends or family to support me and Taylor was really my only place to go to for emotional support. Emotions can run high and personal thoughts and feelings can be very strong when going through a divorce. It is very easy to use your children as a sounding board, emotional crutch or someone to vent to during this tough time.

One of the greatest pieces of advice that I had received about parenting was that your children understand far more than you give them credit for and when it comes to personal feelings about those they are emotionally attached to the very best thing you can do is to leave how you feel out of the equation and let them come to their conclusions on their own. I chose not to speak poorly to Taylor about his father ... ever. I never once said something negative to Taylor about his dad, never once called him a bad father or any names, never once shared any stories about the things he has done. I decided that I wanted to let Taylor come to his own conclusion about what he thought about his dad and I didn't want to have any influence on that decision. When speaking to Taylor about our divorce the details I gave him were minimal however true and enough for him to understand the importance of being treated with respect and that the things that he witnessed were not okay. The exact line I told him was, "Taylor, I deserve to have someone who loves me and treats me right. Your dad was not that for me." That was it.

Taylor is now 12 and over the years he has figured things out on his own. Taking the high road and sitting back has not been easy at all. However, I can say for a fact that my relationship with Taylor is stronger and healthier because I have not pushed my personal opinions onto him. He speaks openly to me about his dad, good or bad, and trusts me to give him non-objective advice when it comes to anything in life. Keeping my feelings to myself has not only been in the best interest of Taylor but also in the best interests of our relationship.

Laura Miller

Proud Mom of Taylor

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