What should I do if I think my child is being treated unfairly by the coach?In an ideal world all people would be treated the same, all the time. As adults we know this is rarely the way things happen, so it shouldn’t be surprising that coaches can, from time to time, play favorites, too.
But before you come to the conclusion that your child is being treated unfairly, keep in mind that good coaches typically develop unique, individual relationships with kids on the team that might be interpreted by an outsider as favoritism – when in reality it isn’t that at all. Skilled coaches know that some kids don’t need to be yelled at to get motivated while other kids do, and that some kids react to certain things that other kids don’t (ex., some kids work hard just so that they won’t be embarrassed, while others work hard to receive positive reinforcement).
Knowing what “buttons” to push is not an exact science for coaches, so try to be patient and see if the coach really is playing favorites or just trying to motivate different kids in different ways. If you still think your child is stuck in an unfair situation, politely ask the coach to set up a time to meet and be very specific with your concerns (ex., rather than vaguely saying “you treat my child poorly,” instead try to specifically state incidents that illustrate your concerns).
Dr. Chris Stankovich is a national expert in the field of sport psychology, and offers an entire line of sport performance & life skills video, audio, and other products for parents, student athletes, and coaches. To learn more, or to contact Dr. Stankovich directly, please visit http://www.drstankovich.com/
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