Judging What's Acceptable For Your Kid's To Watch

Knowing what is going to be in a movie these days and whether its acceptable for your kids to watch is tough. Every parent has different standards and as your kids get older some things grow to be acceptable while others are still completely not okay. So ... how do you know what is in a movie and whether its content gets your thumbs up stamp of approval??

I found this great site, http://www.kids-in-mind.com/. It's absolutely incredible. This site has been created to solve the very problem that parents face every day. Each movie is rated and reviewed on a special rating system. There are three categories which are rated on a 10 point rating system: sex & nudity, violence & gore and profanity. Then each category has a detailed description of each act that takes place to allow parents to make an educated informed decision of whether the movie is appropriate or not for their child.


Example: The Knowing [2009] [PG-13] 1.7.9 A boy (Ben Mendelsohn) is given an envelope that has been unpacked from a 50 year old time capsule. In the envelope is a piece of paper containing nothing but numbers, with no apparent meaning. When the boy's father (Nicolas Cage) begins to look more closely he determines that the numbers seem to be predictions of disasters. Also with Lara Robinson, Rose Byrne and Chandler Canterbury. Directed by Alex Proyas. [1:55]


SEX/NUDITY 1 - A man and a woman hug.► A man describes a woman as having a "Ph double Ds." A man talks about not being ready to date after his wife died. A man asks another man if being described as intriguing is code for gay.► We see the outer "skin" of humanoid aliens burn away and reveal a transparent coating and when they walk away we see the outline of buttocks. A man showers and his back and the side of his chest are visible. During medical treatment we see a woman in a bra and pants (cleavage and bare abdomen are visible). A woman wearing a camisole and panties climbs into bed with her young daughter. A woman wears a low-cut top that reveals cleavage.

VIOLENCE/GORE 7 - A subway train jumps the tracks, it barrels toward a crowded subway station, it is struck by another train, people scream and are crushed, (no blood is visible); we hear several people slamming against the train's windshield, and others are run over (they disappear under the train) and we see many injured people with blood on their heads and faces later.► A passenger plane crashes through power lines and across a highway filled with stopped cars, flames shoot out of the wreckage, there are explosions and we see several people running out of the wreckage in flames and screaming; a man tries to perform CPR on one unconscious victim to no avail.► A huge wall of flames blows across the ocean and through a city causing total devastation (we see buildings crumble, cars are thrown, people disappear and water evaporates).

PROFANITY 4 - 5 scatological terms, 1 mild obscenity, 2 religious exclamations. [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A man drinks alcohol in many scenes, two men drink alcohol from a bottle, and a man drinks wine while grilling.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Death of a parent, death of a spouse, the existence of heaven, believing in an afterlife, life on other planets, hearing impairment, purpose, order, chaos, randomness, coincidence, future, progress, super-flares, natural disasters, terrorism, we all die in the end, destiny, life is random.

MESSAGE - Everything that happens may be for a predetermined reason.

Each movie review rates the movie for each category, gives a detailed description of acts from each category, lists types & forms substance abuse, gives discussion topics for parents and then a brief description of the overall message of the movie.

This site has been my number one resource on determining what movies I allow Taylor to watch and I can say that it has saved me many many times from subjecting him to materials that I would have definitely found inappropriate for him. To check out this site or learn more go to http://www.kids-in-mind.com/

Laura Miller
Taylor's Proud Mom
Chief Marketing Officer

Tweens & Cell Phones - What's Going On??

O.K. What’s the deal with cell phones….a blessing or a curse? Obviously, both!

We said the same thing about T.V….portable phones…computers…cell phones the size of a brick…the internet…and now cell phones that incorporate it all – cameras, texting, and internet!! One thing is certain…they aren’t going away any time soon and when they do, something smaller and more “hip” will replace them.

So what is “Sexting” and why is it so bad? Opinions range from it’s not a problem to arrests, felony charges, convictions and listings of tweens and young adults as sex offenders. Regardless, of where you fall on that scale, the fact is that if you have an adolescent child with a cell phone there are potentially serious legal consequences for “misuse”. Worse than that, there is the potential for these consequences to follow your child for life!

What are your options?

OPTION 1: Give your child a cell phone with all the bells and whistles, tell him/her your rules and expect them to use the phone responsibly! Naïve! Would you give your child a loaded gun to carry around and just expect that he or she would behave responsibility?

OPTION 2: Absolutely, no way will my child have a cell phone. Period, end of the paragraph!

OPTION 3: Give your child a cell phone but do not activate camera, texting, or internet capabilities.

OPTION 4: Regardless of what kind of cell phone your child has, limit where it goes.

Options 2, 3, and 4 certainly limit access to a cell phone, but even if your child doesn’t have one, it does not limit their use of someone else’s or participating in group activities on cell phones with friends.

OPTION 5: Check cell phone usage daily. It certainly isn’t a bad idea to check cell phone usage, but it is useless in controlling misuse. By the time you find out it happened, it’s too late…it’s in cyberspace and once in cyberspace, always in cyberspace. There’s no rewind button or “do over” in cyberspace.

OPTION 6: Long before you give (or don’t give) your child a cell phone, talk about sensitive issues and that includes “sexting”. You can’t talk about “sexting” if you don’t talk about sex so educate yourself so you can educate your children! Start early….age appropriately…even young children can learn to respect their bodies.

Every time there’s a “sexting” incident reported….talk about it with your adolescents. Talk about respecting your body and the bodies of others BEFORE it becomes a problem. Don’t assume because you have told your child the information, they will never participate. Most kids who have been involved in “sexting”, and even arrested, verbalize they knew “it was a dumb idea..” The underdeveloped prefrontal cortex of the brain of an adolescent makes logical thinking impossible and long-term consequences don’t even appear on their radar screens.

MY ADVICE: Use OPTION 6 coupled with either Option 2, 3 or 4. Option 1 is just plain naive. Option 5 is not prevention but intervention. If you find your adolescent has misused the cell phone, take it away. No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s already too late for a second chance! Then pray whatever they did doesn’t follow them for life!

The biggest problem for parents and educators is that we don’t have uniform laws to follow related to this topic. There are as many opinions as there are incidents. Your child could have some authority figure call it “normal sexual experimentation or just a harmless prank” to some power-seeking authority who wants to make your child an example to others and convicts them of a felony to be labeled a sex offender for life.Both of those consequences are harmful to the children involved.

Mary Halter
President/CEO
HEALTHY edudynamics

Mary H. Halter has worked in the field of youth development for over 25 years. She developed A Time To Talk curriculum with both a school and parent component. Her straight forward, no-nonsense approach is refreshing and informative. You can learn more about Mary by visiting http://healthyedudynamics.com/.

Banana Banana Bread Recipe

One of our favorite activities in our house to to cook together. It helps teach Taylor the importance of following directions and independence. One of our most favorite things to make is banana bread. Here is the recipe that we have been using for the past year. It's SO good!!

PREP TIME: 15 Min
COOK TIME: 1 Hr 5 Min
READY IN: 1 Hr 20 Min
Original recipe yield 1 - 9x5 inch loaf

INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup butter
3/4 cup brown sugar (or substitute 1 cup of granulated sugar)
1/3 cup of cinnamon applesauce
2 eggs, beaten
2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas (4 large bananas)
cinnamon to taste

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan. Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.

Enjoy!!

Addressing Relationship Violence

The recent relationship issues between Rihanna and Chris Brown have once again brought the issue of dating violence into the public arena. The bad news is that it reminds us that this type behavior is not uncommon in relationships; the good news is that it brings forth a platform to discuss and educate. Discussion on this issue should begin early and stay late….it can occur from the earliest relationships to all ages throughout the lifespan.

The best prevention against relationship/dating violence is self-respect coupled with respecting the bodies of others. This is not about providing a “talk” or lecture; it is about creating a culture where all individuals EXPECT RESPECT and receive it.

Unfortunately girls, even young girls, are socialized to view their bodies as sexual objects and young men are socialized to view females by these standards. A grandmother recently told me that her 10-year old grandson’s one wish for his birthday was to go to “Hooter’s”. What does that say about the culture that young man is living in? Viewing girls and women by a standard of “sexy” leads to treating and valuing them as sexual objects rather than as “beings” to be respected. Young men are also socialized to be masculine and that means tough, aggressive and invulnerable. These standards – girls as provocative, sexy and vulnerable and boys as tough, aggressive and invulnerable - set the stage for girls to be dominated by boys in dating relationships. These sexual standards and images are being reinforced by media images that are targeted to younger and younger children.

What’s a parent to do?

The best way for parents to combat this issue is to begin early and if you haven’t started, it’s never too late…better late than never! And don’t just have these conversations with your daughters! Until boys as well as girls begin to respect and value girl’s self worth as measured by something more than just how “sexy” they are, our chances of shifting the paradigm to respect are minimized.

Remember, this is about creating a culture…not just “having a talk!”

Be good role models. Your children will “parrot” what they see and hear in your families, neighborhoods, and social groups.

Use current events as a way to dialogue with your children. Point out appropriate relationship interaction as well as inappropriate interaction. The Obama family is a visible family showing respectful relationship interaction among all family members.

Listen to the language on the “kids shows” your children watch. Just because a TV show is targeted toward kids, does not mean that behaviors and language is respectful. Instead of just turning a show off, point out when language or behavior is inappropriate. Explain why you prefer your child not watch it and talk about how the participants could behave or speak differently to be respectful.

Example: We don’t laugh when people get hit in the privates, because ….It’s not funny when people say things that hurt someone else’s feelings.

Talk to the parents of your children’s friends to establish a zero-tolerance for name-calling, putdowns, and aggressive behavior. Find out the accepted “norm” in your child’s playgroup, classroom or team. Are the rules of respect consistent? If not, how can parents work together to make a difference? If you are a “one man, woman or family show”, your child could be ostracized by the group. Remember, there’s strength in numbers. If your views are clearly in the minority, find another “group” where respectful views are validated.

If children grow up in a respectful environment and learn to articulate their expectation of respect, they are more likely to speak up against any for m of abuse. Help them “find their words” to stand up for themselves – both females and males will enjoy healthier relationships!

Mary H. Halter has worked in the field of youth development for over 25 years. She developed A Time To Talk curriculum with both a school and parent component. Her straight forward, no-nonsense approach is refreshing and informative. You can learn more about Mary by visiting http://healthyedudynamics.com.

That's My Kid ~ "Turned Down a Notch"

Taylor and I were hanging out last night watching Back to the Future 3 in our living room. About 3/4 of the way through the movie I turned to look at him and his eyes were closed. I check a couple more times within the next five minutes and they were still closed. I got up to check my email and when I returned his eyes were open.

I asked him "were you sleeping?"
He replied, "nope."
I said, "your eyes were closed."
He replied, "they were just dimmed."
I said, "Dimmed! What the heck does that mean?"
Taylor said, "I just turned them down a notch."

Kids Love Travel - On the Cheap Part Two

Does your family have Cabin Fever but your budget is slim? With little money left over for fun, it makes sense to maximize your travel dollars. From experience, I've learned how to create a family vacation getaway on a small budget even if every family member has drastically different interests.

Planning such a vacation can be challenging, but it can be done with the help of a guidebook and your family's input. The first thing you want to do is to create a budget for your vacation. Hold a family meeting and get input. Each month I'll share one (or two) tips to help you put together a trip that they will all enjoy on a tight budget:

1. Attractions. Buying tickets in advance online can save not only money, but time as well. Go in a group for shows and fee-paid attractions at a group discount. Either invite another large family along or ask to be part of another group tour. Factory tours tend to be FREE or near FREE opportunities to spend time as a family unit tour or tagging along with other friendly folks. Be sure to make reservations, if necessary.

2. Babysitting. When planning a road trip with young children, ask grandparents or another close relative to come along to watch the kids. This allows you and your spouse some time alone without paying for resort babysitting services.

3. Kids grow up fast. Enjoy time with them (inexpensively) while they’re young. Remember, this year may offer the best travel deals ever!

2009 – Michele Zavatsky